Booky Ooky!

Bunduki / J.T. Edson
Daw Books, 1975 - [too cool for ISBN] (paperback)

It all began at a Bookmans in Phoenix. My friend Chris P. and I were browsing the sci-fi/fantasy section for some bargains when out of the corner of my eye I saw a most peculiar title. Bold, black and unadorned, the book called to me. “I AM BUNDUKI!” it cried. And I turned to meet my destiny.

On the front cover, I saw a broad-chested, blonde man in a loincloth protecting a topless, buxom blonde girl from a trio of giant monkeys (possible quartet, I can’t tell if the fourth is a monkey or a coffee stain) barreling towards them with sticks. On the back I saw this:

Is this a novel about Tarzan of the Apes?
–No. It is a novel about Tarzan’s adopted son.
Is this a novel by Edgar Rice Burroughs?
–No. It is a novel by J.T. Edson, by special authorization of the son of Edgar Rice Burroughs.
Is this a novel about lost lands and savage beasts!
–Yes! It most certainly is!
Is there a beautiful girl in frightful peril?
–Yes — and what’s more, she’s Tarzan’s adopted granddaughter!
If I have enjoyed the Tarzan novels, will I like BUNDUKI?
–You bet you will! It’s the next best things to having ERB writing again!

Yes, well a hearty laugh was had by all, and the book became a running joke for the rest of the weekend. “It could be worse. You could be reading Bunduki.” “Oh my God, that so SO bunduki!” You understand.

Imagine my surprise when one month later I opened my mailbox to find this self-same abomination nestled inside with a note from Chris. He knew Bunduki and I were destined to meet again, so he went back to the store and searched until he found it again. Ah, love.

Having just finished another novel, I set right out exploring Edson’s jungle adventure. It was worse than I could ever imagine.

Bunduki is about Bunduki, a.k.a. James Allenvale Gunn, who was somehow adopted into Tarzan’s family after he went to England. The exact details of this are complex and painstakingly laid out on various outbursts of geneology and the occasional footnote. Actual footnotes. In terms of plot, Bunduki is basically this perfect genius man who excels at every sport and every subject and knows everything there is to know about animals and weapons and fighting. His adopted cousin Dawn is basically the same but also contains the ridiculous proportions and physique as every other woman in the book:

Five foot eight inches in height, with the kind of a figure that many a sex-symbol movie star needed artificial aids to attain–bust, 38; waist, 20; hips, 36–she presented a picture of primitive, savage womanhood. […] Power-packed, yet not unfeminine muscles, rippled under her sleek skin and she moved with the fluid grace of a trained athlete.

Right, and basically on the brink of a horrible car accident, they suddenly find themselves separated in this weird jungle land filled with unknown tribes of people as well as animals from all over the world. They have to fight to find each other, though they conveniently know psychically what direction to head.  Convenient.

This story contains a number of faux-pas and some of the most tedious prose I’ve ever encountered. Detailed descriptions of weapons that go beyond what any reader needs, rehashing of the same ideas over and over, fight scenes with every last motion laid out in the slowest pace ever. It was atrocious. And he’s pretty much obsessed with these nauseating exclamations. Permit me another excerpt:

Dawn was alive and might be in peril!
Bunduki needed to know no more than that!
For the time being, nothing else mattered!
[…]
Dawn was not dead!
So Bunduki must go and find her!

Could you just die? I about did.

My favorite part was one scene where Dawn shot an arrow through the armor of a man attacking her. His armor was supposed to be impenetrable, but Dawn’s advanced fiberglass arrows were no match for it. We had to sit through this scene with way too much rambling, technical description. We knew what happened, but it wasn’t over. THEN we are transferred to the perspective of some of the man’s tribesman who witnessed it from afar and can’t figure out why he fell off his zebra, so they spend the next three pages talking until they finally conclude what we already know… OH REVELATION the arrow pierced his armor. Now can we PLEASE move on?

I could go on and on, but it’s all stuff like this. Oh, and the ending? Apparently some white wizard alien man transported them to a planet following Earth’s orbit on the exact opposite side of the sun. He’s been bringing people and animals there and providing them materials so they can have their own world for some reason. Now he wants Bunduki to rule it as Lord of the Apes and Bunduki says ok. We find this out on the last two pages.

Man, this was a horrible book. It’s hilarious, you all have to read it.

Further reading:

• Bunduki at ERBMania
• That’s all you get. If you read too much about this, you might never recover.